Whether it’s a “Dear Santa” letter, a Christmas wish list, or a spontaneous “Mommy, I want that,” children enter the holiday season with hopes and expectations for what will be waiting under the tree. Those hopes are shaped not only by the steady stream of holiday advertising, but also by the influence of friends at school, on sports teams, in dance class, and on the playground.
Once the wrapping paper has been torn away and children return to their routines, the familiar question begins to echo: “So, what did you get for Christmas?”
For families and caregivers with limited means, these inevitable comparisons can stir anxiety or sadness. Even families facing an unexpected financial setback may find themselves comparing this year to years past, triggering similar feelings of worry or disappointment.
Because children and teens may not fully understand the financial realities you’re navigating, it’s important to help them move through the season with an emphasis on what truly can—and should—be celebrated.
If you’re a parent or caregiver in this situation, you’re not alone. We hope the guidance that follows offers both compassion and practical support to help make the season feel a little lighter.
- Emphasize the true meaning of Christmas. Focus on themes like love, family, faith, and togetherness. For those in the Christian faith, Christmas is the day we celebrate Jesus being born, bringing light, hope, and salvation for all mankind. Watch movies or read books with children about the true meaning of Christmas and have discussions with them about what the season is really all about – however that looks for your family. Validate that while receiving presents is an exciting part of the holiday, Christmas holds much greater significance.
- Set gentle, honest expectations early. Talk with children, especially tweens and teens, ahead of time about what Christmas might look like this year. It’s OK to set clear expectations and be transparent that there may be fewer or simpler gifts this year. This can help ease big emotions on Christmas morning with expectations laid out ahead of time.
- Highlight non-material joys. The Christmas season is ripe with opportunity to create small traditions and engage in activities that can bring lasting memories. This can look like taking an afternoon to bake Christmas cookies, watching a Christmas movie marathon with hot chocolate, or taking a Christmas lights walk or drive to take in all the sights of the season. Lots of communities also hold low or no cost holiday events for families.
- Model gratitude and joy. Children pick up emotional cues from parents and caregivers, who can set the emotional tone. Showing appreciation and gratitude can start with you and radiate throughout your family. Make it a point to regularly acknowledge what you’re grateful for or excited about each day and invite your children to do the same. Families can incorporate gratitude into their daily routines by going around the dinner table to share something that they are grateful for, going on gratitude walks by pointing out things in nature that they find beautiful, or even sharing something positive that happened to them that day.
- Encourage gift giving in simple ways. Let children feel the joy of giving through simple actions, such as making and delivering handmade cards to family, helping a neighbor, or baking Christmas cookies for friends. This can shift the focus from receiving to giving and shows children how giving can be incredibly gratifying.
- Avoid comparisons. Gently remind children that every family celebrates differently. Encourage them not to compare themselves with friends or even commercials they may see on TV or online. Encourage them to remember all the things they do have instead of focusing on the things they don’t.
- Reassure them that their feelings are valid. Children may have a hard time understanding why they may not be getting a certain gift or why their classmates received more gifts than them. If they feel sad or left out, listen without judgment. Empathy and understanding from parents and caregivers are a great way to build trust and reinforce your availability as a safe space for airing any and all emotions.
- Remind them of their worth. Reinforce that their value has nothing to do with gifts. Reassure children that the number of gifts they receive, or the expense of the gifts, has no connection to their worth or their behavior this past year. Affirm their individual strengths, talents, and traits that make them special, and regularly tell children that they are loved and valued. Practice affirmations daily, such as saying, “I am loved,” “I am important,” and “I am special” to help them recognize and believe in their value.
“Remember, the holiday season looks different for every family, and that’s okay. It’s so easy to get caught up in thinking that the joy of Christmas is tied to how many gifts are under the tree, but we can choose to step away from that pressure,” said Elise Pogorzelski, LCSW, senior director of Catholic Charities School-Based Services. “Sometimes the most meaningful celebrations are the simplest ones, when we slow down and focus on the real gifts we have in front of us: our families, our relationships, and the kindness we share.”
