The days have been counted down. The bags and boxes have been packed and loaded into the car. The fanfare of high school graduation that was just a couple months back may seem like an eternity ago. The person you raised from infancy to blossoming independence to full-fledged adult is now headed off to college, and suddenly, the house is quieter.
Almost immediately, the routines, family meals, and the sound of your child’s voice in the next room become cherished memories. It’s normal to miss the habits you’ve been accustomed to for so long and to experience the mixed emotions of this shift. However, it’s important to note that this isn’t the end. For both of you, a new chapter is beginning. Your child is stepping boldly into their future, and you now have the chance to step into yours. The road ahead may feel unclear, but it’s also wide open with possibilities.
“Empty nest syndrome isn’t just a metaphor – it is a very real experience that many parents go through. It may feel like, ‘What do I do now?’ And the good and bad of that is, only you can answer that,” said Allie Medina MEd, LMHC-D, clinical supervisor, Catholic Charities Behavioral Health. “While it might feel like it, your identity of being a parent hasn’t ended; it’s just evolved. This is a great opportunity to reassess what your parental role looks like now. Remember, your child still needs you but in a different way. They’re also navigating a major life change and will continue to need your guidance in these new steps.”
Medina suggests the following tips as you – and your child – navigate this new chapter:
- Check in with your child in a way that feels right for both of you. This could mean daily phone calls or a couple FaceTime chats a week. It’s up to you and your child to set the boundaries, and the cadence, of check ins. Remember to remind them that no matter the distance, you’re still only a phone call or text away.
- Find support for yourself. Do you have friends or siblings who have gone through the same transition or who are going through it now? Talk with them. Ask what’s helped them through this stage. Offer mutual support. The “it takes a village” mentality isn’t exclusive to raising children. Use your support system.
- Lean into the people and passions that bring you joy. That hobby you enjoyed before kids? The book club you didn’t have time to juggle with school, work, and sports practices? Now is a great time to return to those. Dust off the paints, pull out the jigsaw puzzles, re-enroll in your book club.
- Stay open to new experiences. Did you find fulfillment in the PTA or organizing outings for scouts? Fill your cup in similar ways by volunteering for organizations and causes that are important to you, or join a service organization or club. New activities not only fill the calendar, but they can also spark purpose, connection, and joy in this new chapter.
As you adjust, Medina urges parents to keep an eye on their own well-being. It’s normal to worry about how your child is faring at college, but it’s just as important to pay attention to your own emotions. Feeling sad or lonely at times is normal, but if you notice persistent low mood, loss of interest in things you usually enjoy, changes in sleep, appetite or hygiene, or constant anxiety and excessive worry, it may be time to reach out to a mental health professional.
“This season may feel unfamiliar, but it’s also filled with possibility. The bond you share with your child or children isn’t ending, but transforming into something deeper. You’ve built your connection on trust and respect, and now are sharing the advantages of mutual growth,” Medina said. “As they build their life, you’re building yours, too. One day, you may look back and realize that this chapter, though bittersweet, was also one of the most rewarding. Change can be hard, but it can lead to a fuller, more vibrant life for both of you.”
